I have trouble sleeping at night, more like I have trouble being alone at night. Especially when it’s almost 2 a.m. and Im used to talking to you at this hour, but you aren’t there anymore, you haven’t been for awhile. For a long time I was preoccupied, my days were so crazy that at night I didn’t notice as much, or maybe I just never really thought it through. But I notice now, or maybe I just need you more. I don’t know what’s going on with me, I never really do – but you used to have a way of turning a simple conversation into a healing tool. Before I knew it, it didn’t matter if I didn’t know what was going on with me, because everything felt much more simple, it felt like it would all work out and be okay. I miss that, now I have to actually focus on the fact that my life is a bit of a mess and well, I don’t know what is going on with me.
Someone asked me today about job interviews and what I was planning to do after May. Truth is I have no idea. None. Part of the problem is that I don’t know what I want. The bigger problem is I don’t know how to figure out what I want. It would be great if you had some words of advice or some insight, though optimism’s never really been your thing. If nothing more, right now I’d just settle for one of those simple conversation that make me forget. Even for just a night – worry can always hold off til tomorrow.
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